Naomi Kieswetter

Naomi Kieswetter

Internationally Accredited Master NLP Practitioner, Authentic Self-Empowerment Facilitator and Ericksonian Hypnotherapy Practitioner

Being self-empowered as a mother is one of the most important aspects of motherhood.

One of the biggest self-discoveries which I have made were, that in the moments when I have been in an unresourceful state as a mother because of my own emotional struggles, my ability to be resourceful, in order to discipline my sons, nurture and give them guidance and support, was greatly affected. I was unable to be fully present in those moments when my sons needed me the most. My ‘Aha’ moment and the realisation that in order for me to be a good mother that my sons can depend on to be there for them, was after I had experienced a complete emotional meltdown.

This is why I embarked on a journey of self-empowerment. This journey started after my divorce in my early 40s, where I have educated myself on a tertiary academic level, as well as on a Personal Development level which included becoming an Internationally Accredited Master NLP Practitioner, Authentic Self-Empowerment Facilitator and Ericksonian Hypnotherapy Practitioner.

Becoming more self-empowered has influenced me in my role as a mother, my life and my career. I started making radical shifts in my perceptions of myself and what is possible in my life. The real change was the change I made in my “Way of Being”, the 'driver' of my behavior, the avenue to my soul, which resulted in 'deep change' on a sub-conscious level!

In my work as a coach I have my own story to tell, being a divorced single mom, working with integrity from my own experiences of life, I do what I love and am passionate about helping others to empower themselves and step into a world of possibilities – to rebuild their lives after divorce, regain their self-esteem, self-confidence and live life well.

I believe that all greater self-awareness grows out of the ability to have firstly, an authentic relationship with oneself, and then with others and with everything else that one interacts with which is the foundation for building strong meaningful inter-personal relationships.

The decision to leave an alcoholic partner and father of my two sons after 17 years of marriage was one of the hardest decisions which I have had to make in my life. Leaving the comfort of my home with my two sons at the age of 11 and 15 was terrifying and overwhelming, but yet at the same time liberating. I was committed to giving my sons a new home and creating a place of safety and comfort.

Whilst being a divorced single mother was challenging, it has taught me lessons that I would never have learnt had I not experienced the challenges and overcoming them one step at a time.

The realization that the projection of my own emotional needs and anxieties had a direct impact on my children and therefore my conscious awareness in how I manage my internal state became paramount in being their mother and how I raise them in the absence of their father.

Some of the biggest challenges I faced along the way were:

• Remaining centred and grounded when my teenage sons had outbursts and displayed their own anger
• Helping my sons deal with their fears and anxieties in a resourceful state
• Continuing to connect and bond with my sons during their teenage years whilst growing into men
• Learning effective ways to communicate with them during stressful times and conflicting situations
• Supporting my sons financially as a sole breadwinner with no other financial support
• Continuing my education whilst holding up a full-time career and perform my role as a single mother, to improve my financial state
• To help my sons reframe what it means to be happy and successful under any circumstance
• Having to rebuild myself, to regain my self-worth and become self-empowered after an emotionally abusive relationship

My intention and desire are always to engage with my sons from an understanding of their own fears, anxieties and emotional pain and to understand their need to belong, to feel understood and validated.

After many years of experience in various corporate industries, especially whilst managing teams and  training individuals, I realized that communication had a direct impact on the productivity and outflow of energy, motivation, completion of tasks, and the level of team effort and team work, which in turn impacts the organization and is central to the growth of the organization.

The more I worked with people, it was clear to me that Inter-personal relationships causes the most conflict in both the business and personal lives of people.

Some of most the important achievements are:

• Starting my own coaching business and witnessing the transformation in the individual’s life in general, business and career by equipping them with skills to let go of beliefs that keep them stuck from unleashing full their potential, and be empowered to accomplish their dreams
• Partnering with organizations to develop key personnel and teams
• Founder and CEO of a non-profit organisation NTD Entrepreneurial Skills Development Consultancy focusing of disadvantaged communities and humanitarian inititiatives
• Facilitating workshops to Support women who have experienced relationship breakups, grief and parenting issues

Some Challenges I see women in the future facing when fulfilling the same way of influence.

More children are growing up in single-parent, same-sex or step families and blended family homes and therefore managing the dynamics are more challenging.

• Managing dynamics and issues with children between two homes in the case of step and blended families
• Working single women are often pressed for time resulting in children feeling neglected and then perform badly at school
• Our children are under constant peer pressure at school, friends and society where the need to ‘fit in’ drives negative behavior often resulting in great pain
• Managing the use of technology, social media and the internet and dangers that exists in the real world by ignorance or abuse thereof
• Financial pressure is increasing with global economic crisis and unemployment on the rise
• Managing our children’s health due to instant gratification in terms of fast foods resulting in obesity and other diseases
• Educating and teaching our children future 4th generation skills beyond academic education so that they learn how to cope in society, future interpersonal, family and business relationships

Advice based on my experience:

Being self-empowered is one of the most important aspects of motherhood.

As women seeing our children as they are, the essence of their being, as well as recognizing our own inner potential, is one of the most precious gifts that we can offer them and ourselves

It is fundamental for women in the future to empower themselves by:

• Re-learning and re-building their own lives as well as their children’s lives after any form of abuse due to lack of confidence and self-worth
• Learning that every step in the right direction is of value no matter how small
• Remembering that women are worthy of respect and being celebrated
• Building relationships with our children on love, trust and respect
• Listening to our children to try to understand their needs and not based on our own beliefs which could be outdated due to our own upbringing and programming
• Not controlling the outcomes but allowing our children to be true to who they are, and yet setting healthy realistic boundaries
• Teaching our children about substance abuse and the painful effect it has on themselves, family life and society, and seeking help where needed
• In the modern day the internet can be a wonderful educational tool for our children, however, consistent monitoring their internet time and content they watch is imperative
• Most importantly, teaching our children core values like respect, integrity, kindness, compassion, trust and love and treating other’s how we want to be treated; and ourselves being examples in this because they learn from us

Our own upbringing and past relationships as mothers have a huge influence on how we raise our children. We often project our innermost fears and unresolved issues onto them and others. We sometimes bring these past fears into our relationships with our own children which could affect them adversely, or we have a choice, being a mother with a raised level of conscious awareness, we can use our past to bring about profound positive change in how we raise them. Despite our best intentions as mothers, children often grow up feeling misunderstood, invalidated and not listened to. When there is a disconnect between mothers and children, it is painful and heart-breaking because in our hearts, we want nothing more than to have a close bond with them.

Our children represent one of the greatest gifts God has given to us as mothers. When we choose to listen with compassion, our children teach us so much about ourselves and about life. As a mother it is my compassion, kindness, resilience, patience and understanding for the challenges my sons were going through as teenagers, during puberty, being children of divorced parents, peer pressure and all of life’s problems, that has shaped them to be the grown men that they have become today. I feel truly blessed to have been gifted with my two amazing sons and for the lessons which I have learnt as their mother!

I see empowered women with conscious awareness being able to influence the global community in the future, in business, politically or society in general by:

• Starting firstly to help inspire, empower and create conscious awareness within their own families and children
• Impacting the global community by helping them understand who we are and how we relate to each other and become more aware of all the ways we are interrelated and interconnected
• To be part of a greater whole and becoming aware of the uniqueness of each other’s model of reality and perceptions of how we see the world and each other
• Understanding how core values and principles impact and influence missions, goals and strategies in communities and business and politics
• Effective, trusting and open lines of communication to build healthy relationships in communities and organizations and society in general

I believe that the most important change we need is to speak up about what is important, let our voices be heard, be authentic and work towards creating an environment for others to do the same.